3. Insights, and psychological breakthroughs. A third kind of thought arises as we sink into deep peace and interior silence. Something in our minds goes fishing. What seem to be brilliant theological insights and marvellous psychological breakthroughs, like tasty bait, are dangled in front of our mind's eye and we think, "I must take a moment to make sure I grasp this fantastic insight!" If you acquiesce to a thought of this nature long enough to fix it in your memory you will be drawn out of the deep, refreshing waters of interior silence. Any deliberate thought brings you out.
A very intimate kind of self-denial is necessary in this prayer. It is not just an experience of refreshment - a sort of spiritual happy hour - though this can be a side-effect. It involves the denial of what we are most attached to, namely our own inmost thoughts and feelings, and the source from which they come, the false self.
This kind of asceticism goes to the roots of our attachment to the emotional programming of the false self. It is a thorough and delightful kind of self-denial, which does not have to be afflictive to be effective. The question is how to choose the most useful and appropriate kind of self-denial and how to work at it.
4. Self-Reflection. As you settle into deep peace and freedom from particular thoughts, a desire to reflect on what is happening may arise. You may think, "At last I am getting some place!" or, "This feeling is just great!" or, "If only I could make a mental note of how I got here so that I can get back to it whenever l want!" These are examples of the fourth kind of thought. You are being offered a choice between reflecting on what is going on and letting go of the experience. If you let go, you go into deeper interior silence. If you reflect, you come out and have to start over. There will be a lot of starting over.
Reflection is one step back from experience. It is a photograph of reality. As soon as you start to reflect on an experience, it is over. Reflection on joy is an attempt to possess it. Then it is lost. The tendency to reflect is one of the hardest things to handle in contemplative player. We want to savour the moment of pure joy, pure experience, pure awareness. We want to reflect on moments of deep peace or union in order to remember how we got there and thus how to get back. But if you can let this temptation go by and return to the sacred word, you will pass to a new level of freedom, a more refined joy.
The presence of God is like the air we breathe. You can have all you want of it as long as you do not try to take possession of it and hang on to it.
This prayer is communion with the Spirit of God, who is Charity, pure gift. Our possessive instinct wants to hang on for dear life to what is pleasant - and nothing is more delightful than the divine Presence; it brings such a deep sense of security and tranquillity. The Presence of God does not respond to greed. It is totally available, but on condition that we accept it freely and do not try to possess it.
This method of prayer is a learning of self-surrender. It teaches s through our many mistakes nor to be possessive but to let go. If, in this prayer, you can get over the inveterate habit of reflecting on what is going on, if you can have peace and not think about having it, then you will have learned how to do it.
